Monday, January 28, 2013

Please don't ever be critical of a step-parent!

     I usually try and be very positive.  I don't normally whine either.  Today I need to speak from my heart because it hurts.  Please, please, please!  Whatever you do, don't ever be critical of a step-parent!  It is one of the hardest roles in life.  Before I became a step-mom, I had a counselor that one of my husband's children was working with tell me,  "You are entering one of the most difficult roles in the world, the role of a step-mom".  In my naivety, I thought..."Oh my dear, you don't know me.  It will be just fine.  I have a big heart.  I will love them like my own." 
  Well, I stand corrected.  It is the most difficult role in the world in my opinion.  Some one once told me that it is a whole different layer of love.  Isn't that the truth.  And, loving them like your own takes time.  They don't love you like their biological parent either.  They don't respect you like their biological parent. I felt like a horrible person that I didn't love my 4 step-children like my own.  I thought, "What is wrong with me?"  When my husband and I finally admitted to one another that loving your step kids like your own did not come instantly or natural, it was actually a relief.  It made things so much better and we weren't as hard on our selves.  However, cleaning up fecal matter, urine or vomit is much less pleasant when it isn't your biological child. 
     I think the hardest thing for me is sometimes the house gets chaotic when there are a lot of kids in your house, your kids plus the kids they have over to play and it is soon dinner time.  You get to a point where your nerves are shot and you want all the neighbor kids to go home.  You want to just have a quiet dinner with your own family.  When you are a step mom, the neighbor kids never go home.  This may be different in a divorce situation where the kids would go to visit thier mom and I would get a break.  In our case, my step-kids lost their mom.  What a horrible thing for a child to have to go through.  I simply can not imagine.  However, I never get a break. 
   The other thing is that I love to serve others.  I love when I get to participate in service projects.  I also think it is a great service when someone serves two years as an LDS missionary.  But guess what?  There is an end to service projects.  There is an end to a mission.  There isn't an end to being a step-parent.  At least not for several years!  It is exhausting.
    For the year after my husband's first wife had passed away, he had a lot of help.  He had people clean his house every week, do his laundry, do grocery shopping occasionally, bring him meals for months and months, and had people help with the kids.  For all those hands that helped him get through that year I am truly grateful.  He was able to continue to work and I think he did an amazing job being a single dad for nearly a year. 
     The problem, you see, is that then he and I got married.  Guess what happened to all those helping hands?  They were thrown up into the air and the people said, "Oh good.  Now he has a wife that will do all that."  Guess what?  6 1/2 years later, I am still trying to find my way to fresh air beneath this huge mountain of responsibility that was dumped on me.  It is a mountain of endless physical and emotional exertion...I don't even know if that makes sense but I feel like I literally have to get up and run a marathon every day of my life.
    I have had my face spit upon, I have been yelled at multiple times, been called "Fat Face", been slapped on the back because that child thought I turned out the lights on them when it was someone else, had the van door ripped open going 80 miles an hour on the freeway with the whole family in it, had my back hurt by a child kicking the back of my seat SO hard, one that knew better too.  I have had flour thrown and dish soap squirted all over my hardwood floor from my kitchen sink around my island to my pantry.  It only took 6 times to mop my floor to get it up. I have had brand new fresh flowers from my husband been thrown in the garbage by step kids and lamps thrown down and broken by a step-child throwing a fit.  I have had step kids say, "Sometimes I just want punch Mom in the face!"  And the latest, "I hate you!  No one wants you here!  You should just leave!  This is all your fault!  This is all because of you!"  I realize they miss their mom.  It just doesn't seem fair though that I am the one they take their anger out on.  It isn't fun being the target when I am giving my everything to raising these kids.  I am trying to love them.  I am trying to be there for them.  I am trying to nurture them. 
    I have never been so exhausted in my life. I work 2 part time jobs which is easier than the 4 part time jobs I was working about a year ago.  Not even for any extras.  Just to make ends meet.  The amount of laundry I do is insane.  I run my dishwasher 4 times a day when all the kids are off track.  I am constantly cleaning and picking up the house, helping with homework or some project that is due tomorrow, grocery shopping, taking someone to some kind of appointment, constantly picking up a sick child from school, taking someone to get stiches, cooking, playing barbies in between all this and let me seriously tell you about one of my days last week.  I actually wrote everything down that I was doing at once.  While trying to brown some hamburger for dinner I was also trying to shove a snack in my face because I hadn't had a chance to eat much lunch.  I was also fixing a snack for my 2 year old and my nephew whom I was watching because my sister just had a baby.  I was changing over laundry, ran down and did 2 haircuts, my son ran down and said he might need stitches because he cut his finger while opening a can of pears.  My 19 year old daugher ran him in because I still had to do another haircut.  As I re-read that it doesn't sound as busy as it felt but it was seriously comical.  I don't think I have ever multi-tasked so much in my life. 
     Being a step-mom is the most thankless job in the world. Please, please, please.  Whatever you do.  Don't be critical of a step-parent. They are doing the toughest thing in the world.  I will get off my soapbox now and my poor me pity party is over.  Thanks for letting me vent. 

My Younique news of the week! 

I am so excited!  Younique just announced that they are coming out with a new mineral pigment foundation line, concealer line and blushers line!  I am absolutely in love with my mineral pigment eye shadow so I can't wait!  I believe it will be out next month.  I can't wait to try it. 
Using the Moodstruck line mineral eye shadow is so much fun!  That is the best word to describe it!  I love using it!  I love the colors! It may sound cheesy but it is the rainbow in my day!  There isn't anything about it that I don't absolutely love.  And the brushes rock!  I love that I don't have to buy eye liner anymore.  I just use the amazing color Devious with the thin slanted brush that I can't think of the name right now!  It was about 4:20 a.m. when I started typing this blog post, I couldn't sleep because of this lovely migraine.  So, needless to say, the brain is not fully functioning. 
The other exciting thing is that the Presenter's Kit when you sign up for Younique now includes product as well!  There are great incentives for signing up before the end of Feb.  They include:
3 months of your website for FREE
A Younique T-shirt
1 set of 3D Fiber Lashes
1 mineral pigment eye shadow (Confident)
Your white status charm
Presenter's guide
Set of make-up bushes
Sexy black case it comes in!
All for only $99.00!
And, the other reason I am so excited is that my cute 19 year old daugther Janessa just signed up to be a Presenter!  #270 baby!  She is going to be a fantastic Presenter!  She has seen how Younique has changed and blessed my life and wants that too!  Way to go Janess!  I am so proud of you.

My Favs are Sexy, Confident, Daring and Devious! 


Have a great week! 

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

I lost 200 lbs today!

I love the new year!  I love dejunking!  I got rid of  six garbage bag full of stuff I don't want anymore today and it feels magnificent!  I was getting low on hangers (  there are a lot as I am sure you can imagine in a house of 9) and thought about buying some but decided to just get rid of some of my clothes instead to free some up! 

Another thing I have promised my self to get more in control of this year is the mis-matched socks in my house!  I had two big baskets full and counted 174 socks!  That is ridiculous!  I saw a cute little sign that had 6 close pins attached to it that you were supposed to display your mis-matched socks on.  Ya right!  I would need a grundle of those signs!  So, my sis gave me the idea to have each person have their own mesh bag that they put their socks in when they are dirty, then I wash and dry the whole bag, then give it back to them to mate themselves!  Great idea, huh!  That is if I can get everyone to cooperate!  Wish me luck! 

 As I mentioned in my last post,  our daughter Kaitlyn turned 12!  That is a big one!  Lots of changes!  Her favorite restaurant is Olive Garden so I checked her out of school for lunch and we enjoyed a meal with just the two of us!  For the first almost 3 years of her life, it was just me and her all day.  The time just the two of us get to spend together now is rare.  We savor each second!  I told her I was going to be a mean mom and not take her back to school.  She was going to have to run errands with me.  Sad, huh!  I am so mean!  We had a wonderful day together.  I could not be more proud of her and the beautiful young woman she is becoming. 

This is a little belated because she had her recital before Christmas but I wanted to attach the video of her singing Santa Baby.  She has been taking voice lessons and in my opinion is doing amazing! 

Gavin drew a picture of me with a big belly and a baby in it.
Had to show off my cute, little nephew Gavin.  My sister is due in 3 weeks with her fourth and she is having another boy.  Today he drew a picture of her with her baby in her tummy.  Is that the cutest thing you have ever seen?  I love his little face.  He is one of the sweetest little kids I know. 
I love Gavin!  

Our silly Lilly
One night Lilly tried to put a TON of her toys down her zip up jammies.  There were probably as many that would be equivalent to the size of a basketball.  She really was planning on sleeping that way and was sure not happy with me when I told her she couldn't!  I am the meanest mom in the world.
My Younique News of the Week! 
Leggies are still HOT, HOT, HOT!  Out of 3,000, there is only less than pairs 900 left!
I have about 4 pair at my house in South Jordan, UT and then I ordered 10 more today.  People love just picking them up from me to avoid paying shipping!  Only $20.50 per pair. 

Save 20% by purchasing the whole Moodstruck Collection
Includes 1 set of Fiber Lashes
4 Mineral pigment eye shadows of your choice
Set of 3 make-up brushes
Younique's sexy black case to keep in all in! 
I love the case so much that I leave it on my counter all
the time! 
All for only $99.00

Younique's Mineral pigment eye shadows come in 15 colors


 They stay on all day!
Don't crease!
Can be applied wet or dry!
I am in love with this product!

Younique also just made the announcement that anyone who makes green status
by September will get a FREE 5-6 day TROPICAL CRUISE for them and a guest!
Guess what one of my New Years Resolutions is for 2013? 
To take my hard working hubby on that cruise!
I am so excited!  I love cruises and we haven't been on one for a few years. 
I will be there!